In Excelsis Deo
by SupernaturalMondler
Summary: What Josh wrote in the book. (AU)


**This was something that just kinda wrote itself in class one day, so I figured I'd post it. I know there have been like a million fics written about this scene, but I wanted to throw my rat in the ring too because this idea just wouldn't leave me alone! Stylistically its a bit different from the way I usually write, and it's my first try at writing from Donna's POV so hopefully it's okay? Let me know! (Also, obviously this is AU)**

Donna had all but given up on having a real conversation with him.

It had been two days since she told him, two days since she watched his face freeze in terror, since he had stuttered out fragments of half-formed excuses as if the English language had abandoned him, since he had left her sitting in her apartment wondering how her life had taken such a sharp turn.

She would say it had happened when she started sleeping with her boss, but that wasn't really true. It had happened long before that, from the moment she chose his office from the ones lining the campaign headquarters in New Hampshire. She had fallen a little bit in love with him that day, she thought, and he had fallen a little bit in love with her. Neither of them stood much of a chance.

The sleeping together had come later, surprisingly, after the campaign had ended and they had made their homes in Washington. Transition had been hectic, and Josh in particular had been wound more tightly than anyone Donna had met in her life. More often than not, she had been tasked with dragging him away from the office to get a full night's sleep before the Inauguration marked the end of any semblance of a schedule. Somewhere along the line, making sure he made it into bed had morphed into falling into bed with him and if that's what it took to get her boss to relax, well, Donna had been more than willing.

And that was all well and good but almost a year had passed and they had yet to have any sort of meaningful conversation as to what exactly they were. There had been plenty of opportunities if either of them had wanted to make the first move, but no one had, and now Donna feared it was too late.

Josh had been distant, and she had been trying desperately to pretend everything was normal, to get him to laugh or smile at her, but he had simply brushed her off on his way to wherever he needed to be. It was no use, but she didn't blame him on bit, or at least no more than she blamed herself.

So there she sits, the day dragging slower than any she could remember sat this job. Around her people prepare for the holidays, for the much-anticipated trips home and days off. She looked forward to none of that. She had planned to spend the holidays with Josh, but now, she very well could be spending Christmas alone. It felt as though her world was collapsing around her.

Suddenly, there's a light touch on her shoulder and Josh is there, not shouting impersonally from his office but there, right in her cubicle. Before she can open her mouth to ask him what he needs, he hands her a messily wrapped rectangle, offering no further explanation as she starts to tear into the packaging. His body language screams uncomfortable, and a small part of her feels relief that he isn't actually as detached as he had been pretending for the past week.

It's a book, an old book from the looks of it, on the Art and Artistry of Alpine Skiing. Donna's heart constricts at the realization that while she had been pestering him in a desperate attempt at normalcy, he had been listening intently to her every word, instead of mindlessly brushing her off as she had assumed.

There's a note inside, he tells her, and tears spring to her eyes as she takes in the words, ones she never thought she'd hear him say, ones she hadn't even realized she needed to hear. He's uncomfortable with her obvious display of emotion, but Donna finds she doesn't care as she stands to take him in her arms, tension fleeing from both of them as he hugs her back, nose pressed into her shoulder.

"I meant it," he whispers, and Donna has to make a joke to keep from losing it entirely, right there where everyone can see. It makes neither of them smile, but Josh squeezes her just a little bit tighter before letting go, so she knows she's not the only one barely concealing her emotions.

She feels refreshed, alive, suddenly, in a was she hasn't for days. Josh smiles—awkward, but genuine—before turning back to his office, back to his usual routine. Donna can't keep the grin from her face as she rereads the words he'd written, and without looking she just knows he's watching her. She doesn't care. It's the happiest she's been in her entire life, and nothing can take this away from her.

 _Donna,_

 _You know I'm no good with words, I usually leave that up to Sam and Toby. That's the only excuse I have for why this has taken so long, and I know it's a crappy one. I'm scared, but I know you're scared too, so I figured, we might as well be scared together. If you're having our baby, I want to be right there beside you every step of the way. Believe me when I say there is no one in the world I would rather do this with than you._

 _Yours forever (if you'll have me)  
Josh_

 _P.S.  
If you think I'm letting you anywhere near a ski mountain in the next 9 months you're out of your mind._


End file.
